Ep18: From Breakdown to Breakthrough: A Nurse Leader's Path to Unshakable Strength | Tara Karels | Mindset Reinvented

From Breakdown to Breakthrough: A Nurse Leader's Journey to Unshakable Strength | Tara Karels | Mindset Reinvented

Introduction:

Jack Trama: Welcome to Mindset Reinvented. Join me weekly as we unlock strategies to elevate every aspect of your life through the power of mindset. I'm Jack Trama. For 25 years, I've guided individuals from all walks of life through personal and professional transformations, helping them push past limiting beliefs to unlock their fullest potential.

In today's episode, you'll learn how to bounce back stronger from life's curveballs and turn tough times into personal wins. Get ready for down-to-earth tips on becoming a better leader and handling big life changes like a pro. If you enjoy the show, subscribe so you never miss an episode. This is Mindset Reinvented.

As Alan Watts once said, "The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." Today we're with Tara Karels, someone who has faced some of life's most challenging moments and has pushed through it all to live a life of peak performance.

Tara has over 30 years of nursing and leadership experience under her belt, and she's the brains behind Inspro, which is a coaching company that helps leaders crush their goals. And Tara is about to drop some serious wisdom in her new book. It's called "Trekking Poles" with a catchy subtitle, "Thriving with Confidence Through Life's Terrain." It sounds just like the guide we all need for life's wild ride. Tara, it is so great to have you here.

Tara Karels: Thank you so much, Jack. I'm so happy to be here and thank you for that wonderful introduction.

The High-Stakes World of Nursing Leadership

Jack: Let's dive right in. Let's talk a little bit about your background because you've spent 30 years in nursing and leadership in quite high-stress areas like labor and delivery. How has that experience shaped the way that you help leaders deal with pressure and unexpected changes?

Tara: Well, I think you can't help but get good at performing under stress when you work in high-traffic areas. I work in the busiest labor and delivery unit in the state of Minnesota, currently working part-time as I transition full-time into my coaching business. We're on the go all the time, and I've been in nursing, like you said, for 30 years.

Our patients, even in labor and delivery, are much sicker than they used to be. We just have a lot more high acuities, and so we're managing a lot of different issues, symptoms, and problems within everyone in healthcare, and we're having to do that at very high paces. So I can have a twelve-hour shift and deliver three different babies throughout that shift, working with three different families, going through that amazing emotional and exciting experience, life-changing experience. And it's really an honor to do that.

That's really been a primary focus of my nursing career, and it is just go, go, go. I love it, but it does really bring with it time management, being able to handle the ups and the downs. It's really funny, people think I work in Disneyland because who wouldn't want to work where you're seeing babies born? But I also work with our families who go through loss, and that is a completely different experience. People don't think about that because unless you had to have gone through it, you wouldn't. We don't want to talk about those harder things. Going through a stillbirth or a baby that only lives for a few minutes or a few hours after birth is very traumatic.

Those experiences transfer over in terms of how I've handled situations, my communication skills, my time management, and then, like you said, how do you deal with those stressful things and keep moving forward?

The Precious Nature of Life

Jack: Tara, I was going to ask you a different question, but I'm really curious, because labor and delivery, as you have suggested, it is a miracle to be in that role because you get to see life in its infancy stages, and you get to see the families that are celebrating that life. But then there's that other side where if the child doesn't make it, you're dealing with extremes on both sides. Being that you've been in that line of work for as long as you have, how do you view life in general? Being able to see how life is developed right from the beginning, what can you share with us about how you view life and how precious it is, given everything that you've seen?

Tara: I really think precious is a great word because it is just incredible. I still remember when my babies were born. You know, your birth story is one that, as a mother, you never forget each of those stories of how those babies came into the world and how long you were in labor, and what you went through to get to that point. And then that magic of seeing that newborn that you dreamt about, that you felt inside of you, you saw pictures of, and here that baby is. It's an incredible experience, but it's just miraculous.

I still will get tears in my eyes as a nurse watching a family as they experience that moment. And I think that that helps us to be better nurses when we still can feel that after 30 years, we can feel those ups and downs with the families we work with.

Transferring Nursing Skills to Leadership Coaching

Jack: So then you've made some transitions and you've taken what you've learned on the job and all the experiences that you've had, and you've adapted that into your career to helping people in leadership roles and really coach them through becoming optimal performers. What about your nursing career? What are some of the things in your nursing career that you transfer over to the coaching side of your practice when it comes to coaching leaders?

Tara: Well, you know, my nursing career has not only been at the bedside. I've also worked in leadership and administration. I've also worked in education. I worked and taught nurses prior to licensure for many years, getting them ready in the college setting. And so each of those experiences brings a different element that can be transferred over.

One of the things I think about is courage. I think courage in leadership is so important. And one of the things I work with, like with middle management, is, I believe middle managers, because it's such a difficult role when you're sandwiched between the top and the people you supervise below you, there's a lot of tugging that goes on and a lot of pressures from both directions. And when I talk about courage in that role, I talk about, really, the courage to be fired.

I know that sounds crazy, but I talk about if you're not willing to stick your neck out and advocate for those below you, you're not going to be able to build that culture you need to grow and have the performance from those that report to you. And so those are some things that are really important to me, is that culture and that courage to lead and then communication skills, of course, as I mentioned earlier, so important.

And that's been evident throughout my nursing career. I always say that the coaching and consulting I do with leaders is very similar to what I do when I walk into a room with a new family that's in labor. I check all of my story at the door. You know, my beliefs, my story is checked at the door. I walk in, and really, sometimes I only have mere minutes to make a connection, build that trust, because birth, as you can guess, is a very intimate experience. And so I need that trust, and then I really need to empower that patient and their family to make decisions for their care.

And so all of that really aligns with that, working with leaders, because I want to empower them. I want to really let them figure out what they need and then help them to be guided towards that.

Beyond Resilience: The Path to Thriving

Jack: You talk a little bit about resilience, and how resilience is never enough and that we really need to aim towards thriving. And I know that courage is interwoven into all of that, but can you break that down for us a little bit? What's the difference, and then how can we make that leap?

Tara: That's a great question, Jack. Resilience is a word we use a lot right now. It's kind of a buzzword, and people really like to hear about people who are resilient and who have weathered the storm, who've gotten through something. But I have found that resilience can be a curse, because some of us are very resilient. But if we don't have the tools to move beyond resilience, we're merely surviving.

And I think sometimes to get through something is one thing, but are we thriving on the other side? Are we willing to move forward? Are we willing to step beyond being a victim to that situation that happened or that change in path that we didn't expect? Are we willing to move past that? Are we willing to get well and then are we willing to be okay that we're a work in progress and we can still thrive as a work in progress?

Jack: How do people recognize when they're merely being resilient versus truly thriving?

Tara: I think you really have to look at what are your goals? What are the things that are important to you, and you need to come back to those. When you face setbacks, you face disappointments. When you go through loss, you really have to take a step back and take that pause and say, okay, but where was I headed and how does that look different now? But how do I continue to move forward?

And I think if we take a real, honest look, we know when we're stagnant, we know when we're stuck, and we can look like we're doing okay because we've survived and we're continuing to move and show up. We show up to our job, we show up to the dinner table, but are we really showing up for ourselves? Are we showing up in those goals we had and are we taking that adversity and making something good from it?

Jack: I think that you only get to understand that about yourself if you be 100% honest with how you feel and where you are in your life. And I wrote a post about this recently that we get up in the morning, we go through our normal routines. Throughout the entire day, we're hardwired to achieve. We're hardwired to find abundance and peace and prosperity. And all that stuff is the human condition, and it's all good. But if we don't stop and really just take an inventory of what might not feel good for us right now, then we're just going to keep operating on autopilot and we're really never going to know how to feel.

Tara: One of the things I talk a lot about is pause, reflect, and proceed. And that the proceed is not optional, because we do need to pause, we do need to reflect and be honest, but then we need to keep moving forward. And that doesn't have to look like anyone else, but we need to know that we're taking those steps for ourselves.

Trekking Poles: A Metaphor for Life's Journey

Jack: Going back to your book, because I know you use the metaphor of trekking poles, can you give us a sneak peek into how this idea applies to navigating life's ups and downs?

Tara: Great question. Trekking poles, for those who aren't familiar, some people call them hiking poles, but trekking poles is a term you use for those two poles you use to walk, to navigate. Some people use them when they're going through different types of terrain. And it really came to me when I was looking at what truly are trekking poles and what is a trek.

And if you look up the definition of trek, using your word that you just mentioned, it's a trek is an arduous journey. Well, sometimes life feels like that. And so then what is it that helps us to navigate? And that's our trekking poles. And if you look up trekking poles, or if you've ever worked with them, they really do provide balance, they take stress off of us. They allow us to climb hills faster, they give us longer endurance. They allow us to navigate through things like streams or slippery rocks.

So to me, it was just such a great analogy to what are those things we need to move forward through life. What are those supports we need? What are our trekking poles? And so that's where the idea of the name came from for the book. And then I will use trekking poles in my framework of how we move forward through adversity and loss.

Navigating Life's Transitions

Jack: You've made some pretty big moves in your life. You've changed careers, you've moved to new places. And I find that many folks are scared to take certain life change leaps in their lives. What would you tell somebody that might be on the fence about making a switch or move to a different type of life's path and how they can get themselves through fears that might be holding them back?

Tara: You know, I feel like some of the times I've had to really make some changes were not so much choice. I feel like they were kind of the best option to help me to continue to move forward. And also, so, like, I recently, I guess it's been a few years now, but I completely moved from where I was living for or raised my kids and lived for about 25 years, and I packed up and I moved to the Minneapolis St. Paul area, and that was a big move.

I'd lived in a rural part of Minnesota, and that was truly out of necessity to help myself grow and move forward. And it was really a mental health choice for my own health. And then in terms of my career and how it's changing and I'm moving towards working with leaders and writing this book that's really come out of how I feel I need to continue caring for people in a different way, away from that direct nursing care that I've been doing, and really use some of these things that I've learned along my journey.

Jack: Now, if you could just go back for one moment, I'm curious if there were any challenges that you faced, specifically when you were making any of these transitions, any limiting beliefs, any fears that were holding you back. Maybe you were second-guessing yourself, and then there was something that pushed you through and made you move forward. Can you just put a spotlight on what that was?

Tara: You know, I think that we often struggle with imposter syndrome. My goodness. I mean, how many times in a week do I go? What am I thinking? What am I doing? I'm trying to go out and recreate myself and write this book and share this wisdom that I've gained and who's going to want to hear that. I think that's a very normal part of our process as we grow. I once heard that if it's not scary, you're not challenging yourself. And there's a lot of truth in that. If we want to do something that has great impact, we need to be a little scared.

Another piece that I think has helped me is, and this is probably a little controversial, but I hope that in my book, I bring it out in a way that's very positive. I'm a big believer in therapy. I think therapists have an incredible role in our society, in our world today. I think there's such a need. We have lots of mental health issues that are near and dear to my heart.

And at the same time, and I think there's a great place for therapists, and I've had therapists throughout my different times in life when I've recreated or I've gone through adversity. But I also think there's a place we come to where we need to break up with our therapist, where we need to accept that we're not going to be fully healed and perfect before we can leave their office, that we can take that leap and say, it's okay. I can navigate now for a while and move forward, and I can come back to that if I need it.

But I found myself at different times in my life where I was hanging on to that therapist and feeling like I needed to get more, I needed to glean more. I needed to get better and better and better. And what I was really doing is holding myself back because I had dealt with the past, I needed to move forward. And so, hopefully that comes across in a positive way. But that's truly part of my journey.

Navigating Personal Loss and Supporting Others

Jack: If you're comfortable talking about it, I know you mentioned that you had lost your son to suicide, and again, only if you're comfortable. But could you share how this experience has shaped your approach to helping others through tough times in their lives?

Tara: For sure. Thank you for asking. Like most people, I've experienced my share of adversity throughout my life. Different challenges and had that inborn resiliency to move through a lot of different experiences. But in 2018, I lost my son, Jeremy. He was 19 years old at the time when he took his own life.

And that moment brought me to my knees. That was a life stopper. It was something I'd never experienced, obviously, something I knew others who had gone through that, but not anyone super close to me. And it was a type of loss that, of course, I never imagined, and I wouldn't wish upon anyone to have to experience.

And in that, I really had to figure out what is my path now, what are my next steps? And I didn't even know the extent of what grief really was. And as I recently posted about the stages of grief and how they look like a checklist, and I'm a person who goes after it. I'm driven. And so I decided that I was going to go through those stages of grief and get them done because this grief was awful and horrible, and I needed to find a way to move forward.

And I found out in a quick hurry that the stages of grief are in no way linear, and they are really messy. And it's quite a process to go through all of those feelings, to examine those relationships.  And suicide is something for those that have lost a loved one. There's so many questions, and there's far more questions than there are answers. So that was definitely a major change in my life that has taken many years. We're on six years now. This July was six years since Jeremy's been gone of putting the pieces back together in our lives. But that's really what turned the corner for me where I said, I need to do something different. I need to give back. That was the catalyst for me moving. That was the catalyst for me switching over and becoming a certified coach and wanting to work with people. So a lot of things have come from that.

Jack: What would you say then to someone who might be supporting a friend or a family member through a major loss of their own?

Tara: That's a great question. What I found through losing my child was that people are very uncomfortable with death. People are very uncomfortable talking about it. I am grateful to the pastor who did my son's service for his funeral, because the night before, he sat us down and said, people are going to say some really crazy things, and some of those things are going to be hurtful, and they don't intend to be hurtful, but they aren't comfortable and they're not sure what to say.

And it was such a good thing to hear because it helped me to prepare for that next morning. I probably didn't share this before. I've been single for a long, long time, and I was divorced from my kids' dad many years ago, and so went through that process of losing my son as a single mom. And although I have a great relationship with their father, in terms of co-parenting, it was a lonely journey as a single mom. And I remember that morning standing in the church as people came in, and I probably hugged 500 people that morning as they came through the line to talk to me.

And they did, they said some crazy things. And so my advice to people is to remember the person's name, bring up that person. So if it's a child or a sibling or a spouse or whoever it is that has passed away, don't be afraid to talk about that person, share a great story. Or just say, I'm sorry for your loss, or just be there. Reach out and say, I'm thinking of you. I remember telling people that I wanted to hear from them through messages and texts, because it was supportive to me. And I think that's true for most of us to just need that reminder that people are thinking of us, that they're remembering that special person in our lives who's lost.

Looking Ahead: Turning Pain into Purpose

Jack: Looking ahead, what's getting you excited about the future as it unfolds for you and the work that you're doing with your book that's publishing, what's getting you charged up right now about the future?

Tara: What really stood out for me is as I worked through the death of my son, I realized that the stages of grief didn't help me. Not knowing what they were. They were a little bit of a downer. And I found out that the things that I had used, the tools I had used throughout my life, when I faced other things that clearly were not nearly as difficult, but in the time, felt very difficult.

You know, I think we go through things and we can't ever judge or quantify whose loss or whose setback is harder than another's, because in the moment, whatever we're facing feels overwhelming. And I found out that the tools I'd used in the past were very similar to the tools I was using to move forward after Jeremy left.

And you don't move on. There's a lot of things in life we don't move on from, but you do move forward. And as that became a reality for me, that I was using those tools and that I could use those tools to help others, that got me excited. And what I'm so excited about is that I have a passion for helping people, and I'm going to get to do that long term.

You know, I'm going to get away from the bedside of nursing and grow in this way of consulting and coaching people. I love speaking. I'm doing some keynotes and different things to just really help people feel inspired, to move forward, to feel like they can move past some of the adversity that they've had to endure.

And those things, that's what gets me up every day, is knowing that I can take something so horrible and I can use it to help other people. And that's really important to me.

Conclusion

Jack: And I can see that and what a blessing it is for you to work with people in helping them get through whatever it is that they're dealing with, because you have overcome one of the most absolute challenges in life. And so anybody that would be blessed to work with you would really see life through different lenses.

What we're going to do is we're going to share your social media links and also anything that you really want to put in front of people. Your story is incredible. I'm inspired by your life's path and its challenges, particularly with what you've gone through and your mission. Your mission to help people thrive, not just survive.

We'll have all the links in the show notes for our friends can learn more about your work. In the meantime, friends, if you would like to visit Tara, you can do that at insprow.com. That's I-N-S-P-R-O-W.com to learn more about Tara and what she's all about.

And again, we'll put those links in the show notes. And, again, Tara, thank you so much for joining. And thank you all for tuning into Mindset Reinvented. If you found value, as I always say, please, please, please pay it forward. Share our show with others who may benefit by listening.

Because we never know what someone needs to hear right now, today. And you can be the bridge to making that person's day, their month, their year, better than it ever has been before. It's really just giving them exposure to the things that we're discussing on this show. And also, if you're not on our email list, make sure that you visit us at mindsetreinvented.com so that you can not only be notified of newest episodes, but get some goodies from us as we go along in terms of resource guides and different downloads on the house.

So, with that said, until then, keep living your best life, Tara, thank you again, and we will see you soon.

Tara: Thank you, Jack.

Jack: You're very, very welcome.