Ep8: My Daughter's Crisis Made Me Unstoppable: A Mom's Mindset Revolution | Wendi Zimmer | Mindset Reinvented

Wendi Zimmer 00:00:00 I do see with my students, so much of they just exist. They just exist and they go through life. I tell them almost daily, don't just check boxes, don't just check boxes. Everything that you learn, whether it's in class or social media or whatever that looks like, everything that you learn. Think about how you can apply it for what you want.

Jack Trama 00:00:24 As Maya Angelou once said, we delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. And today, I'm thrilled to welcome Doctor Wendi Zimmer to the show. Wendi is a mindset expert and she's a professor at Texas A&M University. She's also the owner of Learning Engaged and The Mindset Factor. And Wendi is also the author of her upcoming book, The Force Continuum. And her journey from being a people pleaser to a mindset coach is nothing short of inspiring.

Jack Trama 00:01:19 Today, she's here to share her insights on how we all can tap into our inner power to totally change our lives. So, Wendi, it is absolutely my pleasure to welcome you to the show.

Wendi Zimmer 00:01:33 Thank you very much, Jack. I am beyond thrilled to be here and to get to spend some time with you today just talking about, you know, something that literally is on all of our minds, which is our mindset and believing in ourselves. And so I am honored to be with you today.

Jack Trama 00:01:50 Well, thank you for for joining us. And I know that our friends of the show are going to get some tremendous value out of today's conversation. so let's let's dive right into things. I know that you had mentioned that you were a people pleaser, and that's something that many of us can relate to. And people pleaser and fixer. So can you tell us a little bit more about the moment that you realized that you needed to change, and how that ended up with you being in your current work in mindset development?

Wendi Zimmer 00:02:24 Absolutely and it's interesting that you ask that, Jack, because this story is completely what spearheaded. Unintentionally my entire trajectory. I have a daughter. She is currently nine years old, and about seven years ago she was hospitalized with a very rare birth defect. And the first time she was hospitalized, it it ended up fine. Luckily, she is very healthy now and she is great, but the first time she was hospitalized, it was a horrible experience. There was a lot of things going on and where she was not receiving the care that she needed. And what I realized is that my people pleasing tendencies were causing me to be a terrible advocate for her. Absolutely terrible because I was so worried about upsetting the nurses, or upsetting the doctors, or asking too many questions that I overlooked a lot of things that, looking back. Had I not been so worried about pleasing others and more worried about advocating for my child, Possibly would not have happened. And so that first hospital visit ended up being okay. But it was the first of many.

Wendi Zimmer 00:03:51 It was the first of many. And I knew when we left that if I did not do something to help myself believe not only in who I am and what I could do, but also do it in a way that was authentic to me. Then the remaining hospital visits were going to suck me dry. We're going to be something where I could not be the mom I needed to be, the mom I wanted to be, and I would not be able to be part of the solution because so much of what was going on with my daughter was unknown. It was unknown, and doctors were trying to figure things out, and surgeons were trying to figure things out, and they needed me to step up and tell them what I had learned and tell them what I had seen. But I knew I wouldn't be able to do that if I was not being authentically me. And so, like I said, when I left that first hospital visit, I spent a lot of time reflecting on who I wanted to be, how I wanted to be seen, how did I find this power that I know I have inside me? Right? I watch so many other people who don't seem to struggle with people pleasing and who didn't seem to struggle with, oh, I want to make sure I don't hurt people's feelings, and I want to make sure that I don't make anybody angry, but they still did it in a respectful way.

Wendi Zimmer 00:05:21 So how could I do that for myself? And so I literally set out on this lifelong adventure, almost of recognizing I can't follow anyone else's path. I have to follow my path and shift my mindset so that I could still believe in myself, be who I wanted to be. But I could be the advocate that I am for my daughter. And so that's where this creation of what I call the forced continuum came from. It is literally my own experiences that I have now translated as I've witnessed others. And as I mentor and I coach and I teach at Texas A&M University as I've witnessed other people struggle in the same ways that I struggled, I can now help them with the system that I've used on myself. And so that's kind of where all of this started.

Jack Trama 00:06:16 Wendi, do you think and this and this is obviously you have gone through this, this transformation in your life and we're all kind of carved from the same rock. We all have different paths. We have different upbringings. We're all emotional beings.

Jack Trama 00:06:31 And and from your perspective, would you say that you had to go through that very personal experience with your daughter in order for you to be able to change your course? Because I wonder if for a lot of people who feel very stuck in their own lives, does it take a life changing event for somebody to do an about face and really look at what's going on, or can there just be some courage without there being an event or something that's serious like that? There must be some really built in courage for somebody that and that's all it takes for them to want change.

Wendi Zimmer 00:07:11 It's a very good question, Jack. I would say yes to both. So for me, because of where I was and my backgrounds and the experiences that I've had in my life, I needed literally a massive shake. I needed that experience for me to recognize that while I knew exactly what to do, I had seen so many resources. And I am an introverted, introverted person by nature. And so I read all the books on how to use your introversion as strength and, you know, all of these different pieces.

Wendi Zimmer 00:07:48 But for me, I had to live this in order to change. But I will tell you, I. So I've spent over two decades in education. I started out as an elementary school teacher and administrator before moving to higher end. And then through that process, I also do a lot of professional development for teachers and faculty and now industry clients. And I have taught almost everything I feel, not necessarily, but I have taught so many things. And what I realized in the education space is I can teach content and skills and values all day long, but if the students that I'm teaching it to, do not find a way to apply it to their lives to believe in themselves, then it doesn't really matter. And and as I was going through this process of figuring out how I could be the person that I wanted to be an advocate for my child, it's amazing. Sometimes, you know, they tell you that if all of a sudden you want to buy a certain car and you start paying more attention to that car everywhere you look around you, you see that car.

Wendi Zimmer 00:08:56 Same thing. The more I dug into myself, the more I saw other people around me that were struggling with the same things. And some of them, it was massive, massive challenges in their life, like mine. For others, it was my students who were like, I want to become a better public speaker. I want to become a better writer. I want to get better at reading comprehension, whatever that was. Right? And so what I realized is for them, it wasn't this massive, massive change in their life, but it was still something that they wanted to change. They wanted to improve. And so what I realized quite quickly is that we take in all of this information, especially in the age we're in, right? Social media, webinars, podcasts, internet. We have so many resources, but we don't always apply them to our lives. I like to use a metaphor of like a safe. So as we're getting this information, we put it aside, right? I know what to do.

Wendi Zimmer 00:09:59 If I want to lose weight, I know what to do. I want to learn a language. I know what to do, or I know where to go. Find it out right. Whatever it is I want to do, I want to learn. I can find all the resources, but we often file them away, hoard them if you will, and our Pinterest boards are our save our reels or whatever that looks like on social media. But if we don't actually work on ourselves, if we don't take action to believe in ourselves, shift our mindset to be the person we want to be. It's like we lock that door. We lock that door. All the resources are there. We know what we need to do. People are telling us what we need to do, but we don't actually apply it and use it on how to improve ourselves. And I would say, I mean, Jack, what is something that you always wanted to learn? Do you have anything that you're thinking one day I want to do this.

Jack Trama 00:10:54 When I was when I was younger, I had a desire, a very strong one, to be an entertainer, an actor, and actually an actor. And combined with the voiceover coach. And I think at the time, I was I was very distracted with different things. I was chasing after different things. And so I kept putting that. I kept burying it. It wasn't a priority for me. And I think that's really the key that that effectuate change for a lot of people. If they want it bad enough, then it requires the energy, the effort, the focus, and then of course, taking action to be able to do it. But that was a long answer to your question. But that was what I was trying to do at the time.

Wendi Zimmer 00:11:32 Perfect. Well, and I will tell you, you have a fantastic voice. I don't know what you're acting like. But you did great voices.

Jack Trama 00:11:40 Thank you.

Wendi Zimmer 00:11:41 But but you're right. And I'm sure through that process, I mean, right now, if you decided tomorrow, that's it.

Wendi Zimmer 00:11:47 I'm going to go start my acting career. You can easily find resources that will tell you what to do.

Wendi Zimmer 00:11:56 But to your point, it is it. You have to make it a priority. You have to be at a place where you're like, okay, I am ready. I believe in myself, I know that I would be a rockstar actor and I would take this and run with it, but until we're at that place where we believe in ourselves, it's just noise. It's just information again that we put in that safe to have one day because I don't want to lose it. I'll have it one day and it's here for me. But until I unlock that door, it doesn't matter. And like I said, I see this all the time with my students and my clients. Because the ones that are really successful, the ones that apply the knowledge, skills and values that I teach, it's because they believe it's possible for them. They realize that, you know what? It may be hard.

Wendi Zimmer 00:12:51 It may be challenging. It may be scary. I may experience fears that I've never experienced before. But I believe in myself and I know I can do it.

Jack Trama 00:13:03 You know, Wendi, and that's gold at what you've just described. And it hits home for, for a lot of people. And, and to build on that a little bit in my career, I've, I've coached and I've counseled literally thousands of, of people in the middle of transition and the transition that they're, moving away from and towards is typically they're uncomfortable with their work, they're uncomfortable with their financial situation, and they want to get into a new skill. They want to maybe start a business. And and so what you bring up is fascinating to me because I've recognized through all these conversations what these limiting beliefs really are. And there's so many of them. Some of them, like you said, and most of them are deeply rooted, but there's also external ones that a lot of people don't realize, and those external ones that I hear time and time again through the discovery process is there's somebody else in that person's life who may not approve, who may be judgmental or worse.

Jack Trama 00:14:08 They build up the courage to move the ball forward. And they have some hiccups along the way because that's the nature of life. We're always going to have hiccups. But the partner there, fear is that the partner or somebody in their life that holds some influence over them says, you know what? I told you so. Yeah. And from a psychological perspective, it keeps people back because they have to answer to somebody else. So can you talk a little bit about some of the external reasons why people, you know, remain stuck? They kick the can down the road for years. They want to do something, but they don't make changes.

Wendi Zimmer 00:14:46 Absolutely. And you're completely right, Jack. I think for many of us, the internal factors are so largely impacted by the external ones that it becomes almost convoluted because you you don't stop to think about what are the pieces that I can actually control. What are the aspects that if I put some effort into this, I love that you use the word action earlier because it is so much action if I put action towards this.

Wendi Zimmer 00:15:20 Which of these components can I actually do something about? Because that was a huge piece for me as a people pleaser. Obviously so much of it is external. Even fears that I had no evidence would come true. Right. I had no evidence that people would feel a certain way about me if I advocated for my daughter in that hospital room, then all of a sudden the nurse would be mad at me, or I would seem like I was being bossy or a bully I had. I had no actual evidence for that, but it didn't change the fact that that's where my mindset was, right. Mel Robbins has a beautiful quote if you follow Mel Robbins, but she and I'm going to butcher it. But it's basically like life is not what happens to you. Life is how you react to what happens to you. And that is one of those pieces that is like massively resonated with me because it is so many of those external factors influence who you are and you have to get to a point. And that's where mindset is so huge with what I call the force that we have inside of ourselves.

Wendi Zimmer 00:16:28 Because you have to and it's it's not easy. I when I say it out of my mouth, it sounds so simple, but it's not easy. But you have to get to the point where you recognize that first of all, you are what matters most if you work on yourself, those external factors become easier. Those external barriers, those external limitations become easier because you realize a couple of things. You realize one, that at some point, if I'm not surrounding myself with people who support me, maybe I need to reconsider who my support group is.

Wendi Zimmer 00:17:05 But that's a very difficult thing to do, especially if your support group are family or spouses or friends you've had forever. But that's the first point, because I can't rely on those external forces to help me believe in myself. I had that for years, years, everyone around me. I've been very fortunate. I had wonderful parents, I have wonderful family. I have supportive friends. None of that really mattered because if I didn't believe in myself, I didn't really listen to what they said.

Wendi Zimmer 00:17:35 Anyway, it just again sounded like noise. But when I reached a point where I shifted my mindset, then those people around me who didn't believe in me now it still hurts. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit there and be like, oh great, they don't like me. It's a fantastic day for me. But what I've learned to do is spend my energy reflecting on the things that do bring me value, that do bring me joy, that do make me think about, okay, at the end of the day. Right. Like, one of the other things that I love is I have a great mentor that taught me to look at failure differently. It's reframing, right, reframing how we look at our lives. And she said, if we look at failure as growth, which, by the way, I've heard a thousand times, I have taught a thousand times. But at that moment when she said it, she's like, failure equals feedback. Feedback equals knowledge. Knowledge equals power.

Wendi Zimmer 00:18:38 And I was like, I want power. Wait a minute. And it was just the way she said it. So again I might I've heard a bazillion.

Jack Trama 00:18:45 I might add, if I may interrupt, I may add the word action taking action at the end of that, I think that equals power. Yes. 

Wendi Zimmer 00:18:55 Jack. Can I add that in? Yes, I will modify it.

Wendi Zimmer 00:18:58 With your permission. Yes. And give you credit. but it is, it is. But the thing is, is again, I had been told that so many times because I was scared to let anyone see me fail. I was scared to admit that I was failing. I was scared to not come across as this perfect version of myself because I had so many things going for me. Right? Good. family, good job, beautiful daughter. I have all these amazing things going for me. How dare I not look like I have it all together? How dare I be stressed? How dare I have a situation where I don't recognize how blessed I am, right? But my mindset was in a place right then where I believed in myself and I wanted something different.

Wendi Zimmer 00:19:41 And so when my mentor had me look at failure that way, literally reframe, reframe the situation again, it still hurts, but I look at it differently.

Jack Trama 00:19:52 It does. And I think that the pain is just such an important part of this journey. And a lot of times, you know, you get older in life, and unless you've done the work to really understand what these thoughts and feelings that we're having are serving us, which ones are really valid and valuable to our lives versus those that really don't have any? They shouldn't have any bearing. They shouldn't have any control over our lives. But yet a lot of us make decisions around those those emotional charges that really shouldn't be there to begin with. And, you know, I always talk about taking an inventory over our lives, you know, what are the areas that we feel that we can improve. And I think we can all agree that every one of us can improve in, in most all areas of our lives. But, you know, really just take the time, take an inventory of what those things are that are holding us back and really just owning the process.

Jack Trama 00:20:48 It's probably not going to feel very good. You know, and and wrestling with this emotional, energy. And in fact, this is a good segue to talk a little bit about the four pillars that you talk about, which are mindset, identity, energy, and habits. Maybe you can break down. We can talk about mindset. Let's talk about identity now. 

Wendi Zimmer 00:21:12 Absolutely. And you're and you're completely right, Jack. Because so much of this and I these four pillars honestly came from that reflection of myself. But while they're four separate pillars, they're so interconnected because you can't have one without the other. So if if we think about identity, you know, in that moment in the hospital room with my daughter, I wanted to be seen as a good mom, obviously. But more than that, I wanted to be seen as a strong advocate for my daughter, but one that did so not as the crazy mom who's screaming in the halls, right? Like that's not going to be productive or helpful for anyone.

Wendi Zimmer 00:21:52 But I wanted to be seen as knowledgeable and strong but respectful, right? And someone who was contributing to this conversation, to contributing to the solution. And so that's I had to stop and go, okay, what does this look like for me? Here's my goal. What does that look like for me? Because identity actually all of these four pillars run on a spectrum. But identity goes from essentially being anonymous to where which again, before I found my force was largely me. I would sit back and just kind of be this invisible person in this space because I didn't want to upset anybody or I didn't want to, speak out of turn or whatever it looked like. Right. So going from literally being anonymous or invisible to being seen to being strong to being this truly force of this is how not only do I want to see myself, but how I want other people to see me. For me, I found so often in my life that I just survived. I just survived as a nice person.

Wendi Zimmer 00:23:08 I was a good person. I had friends, people generally liked me, but I just survived. I live day to day surviving and I love the word thrive. And we throw around the word thrive like I want to thrive, right? I don't want to survive. I want to thrive. But I had to decide what thriving looked like to me and not just surviving. There's another quote that I love and no one knows exactly where it came from. You may have heard it, but it it says, like fate said to the soldier, you can't weather the storm. And the soldier whispered back, I am the storm. And I thought, like, and it's perfect. You know, Jack, I was telling you when we started, we had an impromptu storm pop up this morning. Luckily my internet, it seems to be holding, so that's fantastic. But the old me would have panicked this morning. Oh my gosh. I am meeting with Jack. We're having this podcast and now my internet's not stable.

Wendi Zimmer 00:24:09 And now the lighting's wrong. And now, like the storm this morning was crazy. Thunder and very loud and old me would have gone. You know what? Maybe I should reschedule because all of these things are happening to me. I'm trying to literally, literally and physically weather this storm, right? Also, my daughter's downstairs. That was not expected. She's fine. She's nine. But that was not expected either. So all of these different pieces and again, old me would have been like, this is not going to happen. This is a bad setup. This is not going to happen. But newbies like first of all, my mindset is I am a rock star at this. I am a mindset expert. I have a fantastic message. I need to get my message out there and I'm so excited to talk to Jack. I'm not going to let this one, you know, little storm messed me up.

Jack Trama 00:25:03 I love that.

Wendi Zimmer 00:25:05 But so but then my identity is a piece of it too, of I don't want to be seen as someone who.

Wendi Zimmer 00:25:11 Because a few things throw me off course. Really, that's how weak I am. And I don't like the word weak, but I can use it against myself. I would never use it on someone else, but for me, like, are you kidding me? Yeah, that's not who I am. That's not how I want to be seen.

Jack Trama 00:25:28 It's a game of inches. Sometimes it really is. And it may not take very much for for certain people. And I've struggled with it too, when I have technology problems or if I didn't get a great night's sleep. You know, when I wake up and I say to myself, oh, can I do this or should I do this? And I think no matter how much work we do on ourselves, if we're being perfectly fair, I think that these things tend to come into our psyche and it challenges us. But then if we've done the work, as you've said, then it's easy to default back to the new me, as you've said, the new the new me, rather than reverting back to the old habits and the old way of thinking.

Wendi Zimmer 00:26:10 And it is. This is the me that I want to be, and it is something that I have to work on daily. Now, it doesn't mean I sit here every day and go, okay, I'm going to do mindset exercises and I'm going to I mean, that's part of it, and that's part of what I do in my book. For all four of these pillars, I do walk through very simple strategies. I, I joke that it's kind of, if you're a 1980s baby, like a choose your own adventure book, if you remember. Yeah, yeah, those books. But it's like, okay, my I may have some awesome habits. I have some great habits, like get me up in the morning that keep me motivated, that make me have a strong work ethic, but I need to work on my mindset, right? So then I can go to the mindset section and I can look at very simple, easy things. Because again, I joke that my book is a doing book, not just a reading book.

Wendi Zimmer 00:26:58 It's a take action. You've got to get something done. But all that to say is, I know I can't just sit back and be passive. So I have practiced these skills for so long now that when that stuff does happen, to your point, I can draw on my habits. I can draw on my mindset. I can draw on this belief in myself because I have practice it. It's not nearly as challenging now as it used to be. When I started. It was very challenging because it's easier for me to have been so much easier to just curl up on the couch with my daughter with my cup of coffee, but I can quickly shift that now. It doesn't go away. It's not like all of a sudden, oh, I don't magically have those thoughts anymore. But I am a different person and I have different habits, so they don't create the barriers and limitations.

Jack Trama 00:27:54 You know how to you know how to deal with them, that that's the key. And you know, it's it's true because the mind is a very habitual tool.

Jack Trama 00:28:02 And so it's very simple and easy for us to default back to whatever repeated thought patterns that rule us, that control us. If we don't have a pattern, interrupt and create a new narrative for ourselves. And, you know, I talk to people and I and I, I feel for people a great deal, but because I understand where they're at, but they kick the can down the road way too long in their lives. And it's, you know, what I do is I don't quit on anybody. You know, I'm not going to give up on somebody. But at the same token, I have to make them understand that they are ready for change. Just based on what you've shared with me for the past hour and a half, you're ready for change. So what do we need to do to get you out of your own way to make this a reality for yourself? And sometimes it requires an intermediary. Sometimes it requires a coach or a mentor or somebody to kind of hover in and, and wrap their arms around somebody and say, okay, this is it's time. Jack Trama 00:29:05 Now, you also, you know, we talk about energy. And that's another interesting topic to me, because I've always been of the mindset that when the mind is stuck and it always does get stuck, we're all human beings. We're not a computer. We're not. I move the body, get some energy running, get some oxygen in our. In our bodies. The blood flowing beautifully. Let's get out in nature and get out of our own heads and get out of our own way. It's so incredibly important. I also believe, and this, this is something that I want to have further conversations around because there are, you know, the folks that are more cerebral and thinking the mindset is a very big, big piece of it because it all starts from there. But then the emotions are very interlinked with our the way, our the way we think in our minds. And there are some healers out there that are focused not so much on the mindset piece, but giving people some immediate relief to be able to manipulate the chakras.

Jack Trama 00:30:06 Where a lot of this, these emotions are stored in the human body, one in particular, right behind the heart, so that the individual has an experience of of the release. And it's an ugly release. I've seen and I've witnessed some of these releases, and either the person's filled with anger and rage and they've never had an outlet before, and this actually helps them expel that temporarily. I mean, because obviously you you empty, empty the cup and unless you're filling it with positive and good thoughts, you know, those those emotions can come back. But there's so many different ways. There's a lot of help out there and nobody should feel stuck. But but tell me a little bit about energy in the way that you, the way you view it and the way that you write about it in your book.

Wendi Zimmer 00:30:56 Absolutely. So honestly, of all four pillars and your right mindset is huge, and mindset is something that has to be at the top of this conversation. But I would argue that energy is almost more important.

Wendi Zimmer 00:31:11 And I have a graphic in my book that essentially shows three. It's like a Venn diagram, right? Three circles. And you have mindset and you have habits and you have identity, and they're all overlapping because you can't have one without the other. But energy is the piece that literally just runs throughout all of them. Because if we're not cognizant of where we're getting our energy from and where we're putting our energy based upon our mindset, our habits, our identity, then it's almost a futile effort. So I'll give you an example. As I mentioned, I am introverted. I always tell my students because we have a conversation about introversion versus extroversion. I largely teach communication courses, which is a very vulnerable piece. And so there's a there's a conversation around introversion and extroversion. But I tell my students, you know, I'm not the stereotypical introvert that people use to think of like, oh, I don't like people. and oh, I want to be by myself. And oh, you know, that that awful stigma that we give, introverted people.

Wendi Zimmer 00:32:15 I love people I absolutely love spending time with people. Obviously, I'm a teacher. That would make no sense. But people and I mean this with all the love in the world, suck my energy. And I don't mean that in a bad way, but like in a day where I teach all day if I have any control over it, I don't schedule meetings that afternoon. I don't do things that require a lot of me because I have given a lot of me. And we're extroverted people. Generally, it's not 100% extroverted. People get energy from others. I don't, and so I know that about myself. And I have to recognize that. Where do I get my energy from? Well, my energy comes from time by myself. My energy comes from time with people where I don't have to be on. I can just exist. My energy comes from being out in nature. My energy comes from learning something new. My energy comes from all the different things. But then also, what am I putting my energy towards? Because if I'm not getting enough energy for myself, I don't have enough energy to give toward the things that matter to me.

Wendi Zimmer 00:33:27 And so for me, it's such a massive piece because I have to think about myself and the energy I'm getting and storing up energy and having enough. But then I also have to think about what do I really want, what do I really want for me? Or what do I really want for this goal? Because if I'm expending tons of energy in areas that don't add value to myself, my goals, my life, my family, maybe I need to reconsider where that energy is going. If I'm spending a lot of time again my people pleasing tendencies, right? If I'm spending a lot of my energy trying to please everybody else instead of really thinking about how I could use my energy in better ways. Well then I am wasting that energy. And so we've got to think about energy again, filling our cup, and then where we spend our energy in relation to our identity, who we want to be. Our mindset, the beliefs we have about ourselves, our skills, our values, our knowledge, and then also our habits.

Wendi Zimmer 00:34:33 Because habits again require energy. And now energy is action. But it's not just action. It's the combination of everything all at once.

Jack Trama 00:34:45 You know you're hitting home because there's a part of me that has some people pleasing as well, especially with family and loved ones that need the extra care. And I would I wouldn't change a thing. You do. You do everything you can for your family. It's just that it takes a lot. Like you said, it takes a lot of energy and it becomes an energy drain. And for me, I've got so many different interests and I do lots of things that I don't get caught up in any of that, but I feel it at the time that it's that it's happening and it's a real it's a real feel to pull. It's a gravitational pull from your sense of stability, if you will. But what I feel for a lot of people who live a life of people pleasing and are expending energy outward to please other people. I think the biggest tragedy that puts them at risk is getting to the end of life and looking back and saying, oh my goodness.

Jack Trama 00:35:41 I'm not feeling very fulfilled because I didn't put my my focus. I didn't put my energy into something that is going to fill my cup and give me that purpose that I always wanted on earth. And so I think that's the biggest risk that somebody faces if they live a life of of people pleasing and don't please their, their, their selves, I think that comes from it has to come first.

Wendi Zimmer 00:36:09 No, I completely agree. And you know, so often we we worry about being selfish, right? Or we worry about if I put myself first, what is that say or what does that look like? And that is a concept that I struggled with for many years. And honestly, I still do because I my purpose in life, I feel, is to help people believe in themselves. To help people recognize the amazing power that they have inside themselves to be who they want. Because I struggle with it for so long, I work with students and clients daily that struggle with it for so long, and it leads to so many just hurtful things you know you think about.

Wendi Zimmer 00:37:04 In our country, we have such a struggle with mental well-being, and we have we have so many cultural concerns that have become, you know, you look at the rates of suicide and depression and anxiety and all of these things that we're dealing with. And I'm not saying that, oh, switch your mindset and it's all going to magically go away because it's not. It's not. But imagine if we could help one another really believe in ourselves, the shift that that could make. And, you know, I agree with you that when we think about fulfillment, when we think about what does that really look like for us? And for me, again, it was that thriving versus surviving piece. I for years, from the outside, looked like I had it all together. Right. I and I kept trying to achieve these goals. Oh, I want to teach faculty. I'm going to get a PhD. I got my PhD, I got my faculty job at an amazing institution. I still wasn't happy.

Wendi Zimmer 00:38:12 Oh, now I'm going to go up for promotion and do all these publications. And when all these awards. And I did it and I still wasn't happy, and it was like, what is wrong with me? Right? I'm, I'm checking all these boxes and doing all the things that I thought would really make me happy. But at the end of the day, you're right, it's fulfillment. And so often we sit there and we live passively through our lives and we are not present. And when you're not present, you're not really working towards anything. Again, you're weathering the storm. You're not the storm. You're just living day to day making things happen. And not to say I don't want anyone listening to feel like they're being judged, or if we're in so many situations where surviving is the best you can do and you celebrate that survival. I have been there so many times where it's like, I don't even know how I survived this day. I should get up and do jumping jacks and just literally throw myself a party, and that's fine.

Wendi Zimmer 00:39:16 We're all going to have those situations. But those days where we find ourselves just surviving day after day after day after day. Part of it is because we are just existing. We are. We keep setting these benchmarks to achieve and we achieve them. And we don't realize why. It's not enough. It's not enough because we are not again, unlocking that door. We know what we need to do. We do the things, but we don't really think about how it matters to us, how it matters to what we believe in, how it matters to making an impact on our lives. Because for most of us, I would say most of the population out there, we love to make an impact on the lives of others.

Jack Trama 00:40:05 Amen.

Wendi Zimmer 00:40:06 And so if you feel like you're really making an impact on someone else's life, that's fulfillment. But you can't do that until you work on yourself. And when you believe in yourself, it just naturally translates to the world around you.

Jack Trama 00:40:22 You know? And to our friends of the show, how cool would it have been if you had Wendy as your professor in school? I mean, you are a light and you are doing God's work, and I'm.

Jack Trama 00:40:38 I'm so impressed by you. And, you know, before we wrap up, students, if you're talking to students and young people right now that are there's a lot being thrown at them as it is to us, but to children now, young adults are getting a lot of mixed messages out there. And you, you're in the frontlines. And so what are some of the things that you're seeing from a mindset issue or from a confidence or lack thereof? issue some behavioral issues that if somebody is listening to this right now, that kind of this message resonates with, that they can do, immediately to make some change and to start feeling, you know, like their path is, is on the right direction.

Wendi Zimmer 00:41:24 That's a great question, Jack, and thank you. I do I mean, I honestly have the best job in the world. You talk about fulfilling your purpose in life. God knew exactly where to put me. And so I am very blessed. but I do see with my students so much of they just exist.

Wendi Zimmer 00:41:42 They just exist and they go through life. I tell them almost daily, don't just check boxes. Don't just check boxes. Everything that you learn, whether it's in class or social media or whatever that looks like, everything that you learn. Think about how you can apply it for what you want. And obviously that starts with a conversation of what do you want? What do you really want? I spend some time in my book walking through, how do you actually determine what you want? And that could be giant like for my students. That might be their future careers, right? That might be huge, massive, very deep conversations. Or it might be like, I want to make an A on that test. I want to get a new girlfriend, whatever, you know, whatever these things look like. Right. So what do you really want? And then everything you take in, think about, how can I apply what I'm learning to what I want and having this constant conversation because we do, all of us, but especially when we're younger, we have these massive dreams for ourselves, right? Of like, what my future's going to look like.

Wendi Zimmer 00:42:48 People are always like, what is it going to look like for you in five years, ten years, 20 years? And you're thinking like, I can't even get through tomorrow.

Wendi Zimmer 00:42:57 So could you take the pressure off? But so much it is. And we put so much pressure on the younger generation that they are overwhelmed. They are overwhelmed and they are overextended. And that's, you know, we could go down the social media track and all those things for different days, different conversations. But it really is narrowing your focus and trying to simplify. What do I want? How do I get there? And I also tell my students all the time, you know, if I could give them one piece of advice, it's don't say no to something just because you're scared. Now, if it's a legal and moral and ethical, that's a different conversation. But if you really want something, don't say no just because you're scared. Take a second. Stop and think about what do you really want? How can you get there? And then make the effort.

Wendi Zimmer 00:43:56 Take the action to do those things? Because if we just passively sit through our lives, so many of my college students come like, because I mostly teach freshmen and sophomores, and I always tell them, before you graduate, come see me. I teach about 300 students a semester, so I'm like, you have to come see me because I want to stay in contact and I'll have many of them come sit there senior year and come sit in my office and chat. And a lot of them say it went by so fast. And I wasted a lot of it because they're just checking boxes. Yeah. And the ones that really realize I slowed down and I thought about what I wanted, and I went after things that made me proud of myself. Those are the ones that look back and they have memories. Because when you're not present, you don't have memories. They have memories of their college experience. They have memories of achieving things they wanted to achieve. And those are the ones that walk away feeling more fulfilled because of their college experience.

Jack Trama 00:45:00 I absolutely love this conversation with you. Doctor Wendi Zimmer, everybody. Doctor Wendi Zimmer, thank you so much for being here with us. Your story is a powerful reminder that we all have the force within us to change our lives. And to our friends of the show, if you've been inspired by Doctor Wendi Zimmer's message here today, please remember that change starts with a single step. Just take a moment today to to kind of tap into your to your own inner strength. And that's what this show is all about. We're going to have all the links to, Doctor Zimmer's work in our show notes. Would you care to let everybody know how they can best reach you?

Wendi Zimmer 00:45:43 Absolutely. So there's a couple of ways you can find me on LinkedIn. I love adding connections on LinkedIn. I'm Wendy Zimmer on LinkedIn, so please find me. you can also learn a little bit more about my book. And like Jack said, we'll put this in the notes. But if you go to learning engaged.com backslash force, then you can see a little bit more about my book and a little bit more information about me.

Wendi Zimmer 00:46:11 but I mean, Jack, this was an absolute blessing. Your audience is amazing that they tune in to learn from you and learn from your guests, every time, because it really it takes a village. So the more that we can learn and grow with each other, imagine the impact that we can make. And so I thank you for this. And to everybody in the audience today. Absolutely. What Jack said, go take one tiny step to believe in yourself today and then celebrate. Celebrate how amazing and wonderful you are because we don't spend enough time doing that.

Jack Trama 00:46:46 So small victories, small victories. Agreed. Yeah. And and to our friends, if you found value in today's episode, please share it with someone. Pay it forward. You never know what somebody needs to hear, and it may just not only change your day, but it could change the direction of their of their lives. If you haven't already, come to our website Mindset reinvented.com and, sign up for the alerts in our newsletter.

Jack Trama 00:47:12 And until then, keep tapping into your inner force and keep living your best life. See you soon.